Tim's shorts 2: "Applications" ft. Creamsicle Frostbite

One day in the EPF headquarters, Legoboy and Tim were assigned to recruit another agent to help them for their next mission. They went through 10, then 20, then 30 applications, but no luck. "Junk." said Tim. "Wow, this one has food stains on it!" Legoboy screamed. "WHAT THE!?" Tim shouted. "What?" said Legoboy. "Read this one." Tim said while making a weird face. This is what the application read:

Dear EPF Agents,

I work hard. I'm like a women in the kitchen, except I'm allowed to leave the kitchen. People expect me to be all friendly and enthusiastic, but that's a woman's job I'm the straightest man alive, and people love that about me. I get tons of emails everyday, and I don't even bother to open them.

My name is Creamsicle Frostbite, but everyone calls me Straightman. I spend 5 hours a day at the gym, because that's where my friend works. I hang out in the Men's bathroom at Sears. I don't believe in owning a bathroom so that's the only time I get to go. If I owned a bathroom, then I'd have to buy a woman to clean it.

My girlfriend is hot! She's the best and only thing I've ever been allowed to touch. We broke up six months ago. I named my dog after her, his name is girlfriend. I never learned my girlfriend's name, because I am a heterosexual man.

I woke up with a tiger in my bedroom today. My friends and I were playing strip-poker all night long, and we go hard every game. I guess we had too much to drink, but who cares! Life is like two lemons glued together, you just gotta keep squeezing them.

I think I'd be an awesome agent. I'm a tough guy, and I watch hockey. I also believe in women's rights.


Love,
~Straightman


Tim and Legoboy stared at each other in Disgust. "Well, you can do the honors Lego." said Tim. Lego nodded, then took out a stamp and stamped the application with big red letters saying "DENIED" They then went on with looking over applications. That letter would be stuck in their minds for a long time...